Life is hard sometimes and I appreciate people who help us make sense of the tough stuff.
And so it was with great anticipation that I listened yesterday to Oprah’s podcast interview with Mel Robbins.
I know you know Oprah. You probably know Robbins, too. If you don’t, here’s the scoop: American podcast host, author, motivational speaker, former lawyer and no relation to motivational speaker Tony Robbins.
I came across Mel Robbins’ work a few years ago on social media. To be honest, I initially found her obnoxious. She seemed too over-the-top for me, a self-help guru loudly spewing her opinions on how we can improve our lives, change our mindsets. Give me the calm insights of authors like Brené Brown, Eckhart Tolle or Elizabeth Gilbert any day!
But over time (and because my social feeds kept bringing her back to me), I started to value Robbins for what she does best: breaking down the complexities of life into plain language principles we can all take something from. In fact, despite her sometimes-raucous approach, Robbins’ messages seem to impact me more than anyone else.
Which brings me back to the Oprah interview.
I got comfy in my office chair yesterday and clicked play on Spotify, settling in to hear a 51-minute chat between Oprah and Robbins about “The Let Them Theory”. In her book of the same name (available Dec. 24), Robbins encourages us to stop trying to control others and let them make their own choices. She argues we can’t take control of our own lives until we put the brakes on trying to control everybody (and everything) around us. She urges us to release control via the “Let Them” tool, a phrase meant to remind us we have the power to choose what we think about in any situation.
“What is happening around us does not have to happen to us,” Robbins tells Oprah in the interview.
Once we understand our fundamental choice to do or not do whatever we want, we realize we’re never really “stuck”, Robbins explains. From that breakthrough, we can shift our thoughts to “Let Me” and take responsibility for our own lives.
I welled up as I listened to the duo, remembering the first time I heard Robbins talk about “Let Them” in a social media clip earlier this year. At the time, a family member was in the midst of a scary health crisis that came out of the blue. In typical fashion, I’d jumped in to try and help, or overhelp, as author Martha Beck might say.
What resulted from my enthusiastic attempt at aid was pushback. The person in crisis wanted to handle the issue their own way and I was essentially told to stand down until called.
I was stunned. I couldn’t rush to the rescue? It just seemed wrong!
My shock faded to sadness, then frustration, exasperated I couldn’t do more, wasn’t allowed to do more.
In the midst of my angst came Robbins’ rants on my social feeds about “Let Them”. I found myself listening closely now despite my earlier ick at her style and returned to her platforms several days in a row for more.
At some point, I connected with the idea that while my family member’s crisis was hugely challenging, it was their challenge to face in a way they decided, not mine.
Change was in order.
I met with my therapist and gradually realized I couldn’t control the outcomes of this situation or any situation. I had to start letting go. I could offer support as needed but not push my help.
I dubbed myself “Cathy 2.0” to my family as I tried my best to step back from my overbearing tendencies. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and—not going to lie—there have been setbacks. But, little by little, I’m learning.
You might think I’d know myself better by now.
Heck, I survived a bout of depression more than a decade ago and found ways to cage my anxiety monster. I even wrote a book about that era, describing the tools that helped me climb out of the darkness and fend off the fiend. (My “Eight Magical Ms”: Move, Music, Meditate, Make, Mingle, Mother Nature, Me Time and Me Kindness.)
I hadn’t forgotten those Ms but they had definitely taken the back burner. As I relinquished control through my Cathy 2.0 work, I began to find myself again and resurrect the supportive tools.
To that end, I showed myself some Me Kindness and granted myself some Me Time, embarking on a multi-day, solo road trip from my home in Moncton to Toronto. On social media, I explained I was doing the trip because it had been an emotional year: both my daughters had weddings and I’d had a kidney biopsy that uncovered a benign cause for an issue of past concern.
That explanation was partly true, but I left out my biggest motivation for driving a total of about 3,000 kilometres. In truth, it was to add some distance—literally—to the family health situation that had rocked my world. My “Reset Tour”, as I called it, was part of my effort to “Let Them” and “Let Me”.
The tour did wonders.
As a travel writer, I’m always energized by exploring places. I hadn’t done much travelling (or writing) during this roller-coaster year so just visiting new locales lifted my spirits, as did capturing images with my beloved camera.
Reconnecting with old friends along the way also renewed my soul, as did revisiting past haunts, eating amazing food and exercising, especially hitting the mat at a yoga class led by a good pal.
I’m still a work in progress, which is why I was happy to hear Robbins yesterday on the podcast. It was a timely reminder to “Let Them”: to create space for people to be who they are and to choose how I want to live my life.
As I continue my journey, I’m taking time to reflect on my next chapter. Add wellness writer to my bio and share more stories about finding joy in challenging times? Focus more on wellness tourism in my travel writing? Find public speaking opportunities to promote healthy aging, especially topics like building mental health resilience? Work with organizations whose goals align with this storytelling passion?
Stay tuned for more in 2025 (and feel free to weigh in with suggestions!)
Thanks, Mel Robbins, for the simple-yet-profound insights that are allowing me to get “unstuck” from my old ways. Life is hard but let it be hard! We can still find emotional peace and a path forward.
